I had a breakthrough at my therapy group last week. Those of you who know me will know that I have been part of a 12 step program for a very long time, and frankly I don't think that it has helped me that much. But last Thursday I had an epiphany, a road to Damascus incident if you like.

I arrived a couple of minutes late and found a seat near the back, just as the group leader stood up to kick off the session:

"Good evening everyone, thankyou for coming to Nappy Wetters Anonymous. Remember, we are all Nappy Wetters here, no one is going to judge you. Who would like to start?"

As usual Maureen, a mousy women aged about 37, shot to her feet and took the podium.

"Hi, I'm Maureen and I'm a Nappy Wetter, it has been 35 years since I last wet my nappy"

Maureen then spent a full ten minutes explaining how she had managed to get through the week "dry", using the NWA methods of not wearing a nappy and using plumbing facilities as appropriate,

Bob was next, a man in his mid 40's, Bob told us that it had been 42 years since he last wet his nappy.

Suddenly I got to my feet and said "I am Jon, and I am NOT a nappy wetter", I don't know what got into me, I was weak at the knees, I started to sweat, what was I saying? All around the room people were shaking their heads and muttering "denial".
"No, really, I am NOT a nappy wetter, this is bollocks!" I shouted.

"Jon, Jon, Jon" Said Peter, the group leader,"You don't just stop being a nappy wetter, it's a disease, you have to admit what you are and work through it."

"But I haven't pissed my nappy since 1971!" I yelled "I think I mught be cured!" and with that I ran out of the room.

It's been 6 days now and I've still resisted the urge to put on a pair of pampers and piss in them. I really think I might have this thing licked!

So I decided the way to make a fortune was to come up with a hit TV show.

Having a little technical know-how I wrote a content analyzer application in Python, which takes plotlines and dialog from streaming TV feeds and reduces them to simple algorithms. Two months of primetime television and number crunching later I took the analyzer output and fed it to an autoscript creator that I had cobbled together in BBC Basic.

After a couple of hours the job was done - I have created the ultimate popular prime time television show: working title "Ho ho - aren't men completely shit!", It's the heartwarming story of a sexy savvy smart girl, who is really good at her job and everything else. Her obsession with marriage and shoes is quirky and amusing and not at all sad or needy. She is working in an environment full of men, who are incapable of doing anything, at all. They sit and dribble, masturbate compulsively and rock gently back and forward. Any attempt they make to do anything is laughable and pathetic. That they repeatedly fail to propose marriage is evidence of serious personality disorders. Any sex the men attempted is fumbling and inadequate, any sexual preferences expressed that are not shared by our cute, plucky heroine are disgusting and weird.

Now all I need is some highly strung overpaid actress, with a real life eating disorder, to play the part and I shall be rich!