Now I am not one to complain, especially in restaurants, because you hear about the things restaurant staff do to people who complain, and I never did develop a taste for semen.

Anyway, the other day I really did have to complain. There was this hair in my Balti, which was pretty gross, and it was really curly too.

I resolved to be terribly English about the whole thing and not mention it, but when I tried to pick it out it appeared to be attached to something. I pulled harder and out came a cock, a whole severed dong!

Well I had to object to that.

They were very good about it, they replaced my meal free of charge, and even gave me a free beer, so it all turned out well.